DipshitConservatives.com

Most Americans want Glenn Beck to be our next president and return us to prosperity. The only hiccup? Getting him to run! Fortunately, the clown lady in this video is circulating a petition to change all that.

Her name is Robin Potwora, and the website for her “grassroots organization,” Main Street Bites Back, features a number of terrifying robot-voiced videos of illustrated political figures, including the hated Barack Obama.

Why is she so excited about Glenn Beck being president in three years? Because he is “our generation’s George Washington”:

Glenn Beck doesn’t want to be president! Neither did George Washington and look how that turned out!

When will Glenn Beck receive our invitation to be a presidential candidate? A formal invitation will be presented to him in 1/2011.

What if Glenn Beck declines our invitation to be a presidential candidate in 2012? Consequently the petition will serve as a thank you to him for all he has done for us.

Will Glenn Beck know that I signed the petition? Yes, the name of every person who signs the petition will appear either on the invitation or in the video.

How can I help? Send people to our website to sign the petition, collect signatures and send them to us through email or call them into us by phone. Send us 50 signatures and we’ll mail you an exclusive ‘Back Beck 2012′ T-shirt!

All well and good, but waiting until January to present him with the “invitation” to run for president? Amateurs. He needs to be setting up a ground game in Iowa by about, hmm, ten minutes ago.

So here’s what we’ve learned from watching other videos…

She was once kind of pretty (in that bleached-blonde, model type of way) and then got older and obviously had some seriously bad cosmetic surgery inflicted on her face. We can assume her breasts are also fake as all hell. She compliments her shiatty cosmetic surgery with a killer combination of bad tanning (spray on?) and “permanent make up” (tattooed-on cosmetics, basically). Her eyebrows are half-real, half drawn-on.

She is almost always wearing a hat, leading me to believe she’s either suffering from alopecia areata (pattern baldness) or trying to hide her greying roots.

She HAS a terrible SPEECH pattern that CAUSES her to RAISE her EYEBROWS every few WORDS in an EFFORT to SEEM EXCITED and EXUBERANT!

She appears to have been a model at one point (or perhaps a spokeswoman or weather-bunny), and currently makes her money on public access television (or maybe just the Internet?) showing people how to beautify houses they’re trying to flip. Essentially, she’s a low-rent, conservative bimbo version of Katie Brown.

She has written a terrible screenplay/story that is little more than a Mary Sue tale about surviving in this liberal-caused apocalypse. She describes her Mary Sue character as “flamboyant, charming, sassy, and feminine”, and didn’t even bother to give the character a unique name: Robin’s screenplay’s protagonist is named “Robin”.

In short, this woman is what happens when a woman relies on looks all her life, gets old, and isn’t smart enough to have gained any skills to fall back on. All she knows is attention whoring, and she’s a celebrity in her own mind. As she begins to succumb to aging, and starts to look like a badly-spackled Lane Bryant manikin from the 1980s, her terror grows and she becomes more desperate and reaches for “heroes” like Glenn Beck, whose whole message is “we can make it like it was for you when you were young.”

One Response to “The Time Has Come to Make Glenn Beck President, Says Clown Lady”