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Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

This pretty much sums it up:

During his much-ballyhooed “Restoring Honor” rally on Saturday, Glenn Beck told a whopper involving the founding father who was supposedly unable to tell a lie: George Washington.

Speechifying at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial, the controversial Fox News host highlighted the legacy of the nation’s first president to drive home his claim that encouraging honesty and integrity was a main aim of the event. Beck even told attendees that “the next George Washington” was “in this crowd. He may be 8 years old, but this is the moment. This is the moment that he dedicates his life, that he sees giants around him. And 25 years from now, he will come not to this stair, but to those stairs. And he can proclaim, ‘I have a new dream.’”

Beck also invoked Washington while describing the inspiring experience of visiting famous tourist destinations around the nation’s capital. “I have been going to Mt. Vernon,” he explained. Holding out his hands for emphasis, he declared with emotion, “I went to the National Archives, and I held the first inaugural address written in his own hand by George Washington.”

It was an eyebrow-raising revelation and certainly an original image: Beck cradling the actual words of the first president. But would the persnickety gatekeepers of the nation’s historical legacy at the National Archives allow some talk show bombthrower to put his mitts on a rare (and fragile) artifact? The answer, it turns out, is no way. Beck was not telling the truth.

Beck did receive a special VIP tour of the archives, arranged by an as-yet unidentified member of Congress. During that tour, he did get a peek inside the “legislative vault,” which isn’t open to ordinary visitors. But Archives spokeswoman Susan Cooper insists that Beck didn’t lay a finger on any precious documents, much less George Washington’s inaugural address. That would be a major violation of policy. “Those kinds of treasures are only handled by specially trained archival staff,” she explains. Cooper acknowledges that someone at the archives did show the document to Beck, but that was the extent of it. Regarding Beck’s claim that he held the document, Cooper says that seeing such documents for the first time can be a very emotional experience. “I’m certain it was a figure of speech,” she says.

Cooper is being charitable. Beck’s whopper gave his speech more heft and rhetorical flourish. It was high patriotic drama. But his fib stands in stark contrast to the point of the rally, which was all about restoring the principles of courage and honor that the nation was founded upon. In fact, one of Beck’s only prescriptions for fixing the country was to “tell the truth.”

Moreover, Beck has a history of chiding others for lying and stretching the truth to bolster his own incendiary rhetoric. In April, for instance, the Rev. Jim Wallis wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post criticizing Beck for suggesting that the term “social justice” was “code” for communism and for encouraging his radio show listeners to flee churches that promote social justice. Beck retorted by quoting the Bible to Wallis: “Thou shalt not lie.” Groups like Media Matters soon found clips from Beck’s show where he said precisely what Wallis had claimed he did.

Yet getting caught in lies hasn’t ever stopped Beck from holding himself up as someone with the honesty of, well, George Washington. He even has his own version of a cherry-tree-chopping tale, which he recounted during a February show in a segment dedicated to the “Lies Politicians Tell.”

He told viewers:

When I was a kid, growing up you could get away with just about anything in my house except for lying. You did not want to lie in my house. I’ll never forget the day my sister decided to play hooky. My dad worked in the bakery all day, so we never saw him in the light of day. My other sister and I were a little surprised when my dad picked us up and the sun was still out. He said, “Where’s your sister? Be careful what you say. Remember, we tell the truth in this family.”

He made us both sit in the backseat. At this point, we knew bad things were about to go down. When we finally found my other sister, dad pulled up next to her: “So, how was school?” He kept asking and asking, letting her dig the hole deeper. I think I got only like three spankings in my life. My sisters never got any—until that day. The belt made an appearance.

Just imagine what Papa Beck would have done if she said she had skipped school to hold the Declaration of Independence.

Crazy huh? Velvet Revolution sent a camera man into the crowd at Glenn Beck’s 8-28 March on Washington/book promotion to speak to tea baggers and were met with your typical derp.

*A Satirical look at the Lower Manhattan Community Center Debate.*

PLANS to build a state-of-the-art library next to Republican catastrophe Sarah Palin are causing outrage across mainstream America.

Campaigners have described the project as insensitive and a deliberate act of provocation by people with brains.

The issue is forming a dividing line in advance of November’s mid-term congressional elections with candidates being forced to declare whether they have ever been to a library or spoken to someone who has books in their home.

Meanwhile President Obama has caused unease within his own Democratic party by endorsing the library and claiming that not everyone who reads books is responsible for calling Mrs Palin a fuckwit nutjob nightmare of a human being.

But Bill McKay, a leading member of the right-wing Teapot movement, said: “Sarah Palin is a hallowed place for Americans who can’t read.

“How is she going to feel knowing that every day there are people going inside a building to find things out for themselves and have thoughts, right in the very shadow of her amazing nipples.”

He added: “Our founding fathers intended for every building in this country to be a church containing one book, written by Jesus, that would be read out in a strange voice by an orange man in a shiny suit who would also tell you who you were allowed to kill.

“Building a library next to Mrs Palin is like Pearl Harbour. Or 9/11.”

And Wayne Hayes, a pig masseur from Coontree, Virginia, said: “I is so angry right now.

“It’s like something is on fire right in the middle of my head. Like I’ve eaten a real hot chilli, but it’s gone up my nose tubes rather than down my ass tubes.”

He added: “Would these library lovers allow me to set up a stall next to the Smithsonian Museum and start selling DVDs of bible cartoons as long as it was in accordance with local regulations?

“Oh they would? I see. So is that why they’re better than me?”

Sarah Palin is a self-proclaimed “Mama Grizzly” who wants to “protect [her] cubs” from EVIL things like liberals and the lamestream media. Problem is: Palin presumed all Mama Grizzlies agreed with her on the issues. Well, they don’t.

This new ad by EMILY’s List, a pro-choice PAC with the goal of electing progressive female candidates to government office, takes Palin’s Mama Grizzly meme and turns it on her by featuring a few other Mama Grizzlies who, shockingly, don’t agree with Palin—or think that she should presume that her goals are in line with those of every other American mother. Watch below.

An old video from The Onion revealing a hyperbolic martial law bill was recently rediscovered by conservatives, and began to pop up on right-wing Facebook walls. Congratulations tea-baggers, you fell for a 3-year-old joke.

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There has been a lot of chatter lately with people boycotting BP for the spill in the Gulf of Mexico. A Facebook page calling for a Boycott of BP has already worked itself up to a quarter of a million followers. Many people took to the streets this past weekend to protest at BP stations but today we found something different. A Twitter user sent this image of a BP station in NYC on Houston Street.

As more and more oil starts to wash up on the shores of the gulf states, you can expect this type of protest to only get more popular. Surprisingly, Drill Baby Drill cheerleader and wife of a former BP employee Sarah Palin has been relatively quiet this whole time. Maybe she’s busy helping with the clean up effort.

Sales have been great this year for Crayola, so they wanted to thank the group that surpassed the 4-7 year old sales demographic.

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A guy takes a cue from a radio show and goes to a Tea Party Protest with a petition to not utilize socialist services. Of course the reaction he received was as welcoming as we would expect.

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