DipshitConservatives.com

Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

By ZCT

The dictionary defines treason as, “disloyalty or treachery to one’s country or its government.” And so with that in mind one has to ask, are the Republicans guilty of treason?

At the end of last year, Republicans took a hard-line stance to secure tax breaks and tax loopholes for millionaires, during the debate over the budget and unemployment benefits. Their intransigence could have caused two million unemployed Americans to go without a check, and taxes to rise for all Americans if President Obama refused to agree to their terms, which included extending tax breaks for the richest 1% of American people.

Last week we got to see their terror tactics taken to the next level entirely. Despite dozens of adjustments to the debt ceiling over the past few decades, Republicans decided to hold the United States to ransom engaging in some of the most shameful, and some would say treasonous actions that we have witnessed in American politics. Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner, held to a no-compromise position, which included storming out of meetings and refusing to take phone calls from the President of the United States. When a final agreement was reached, he bragged to his base that he got 98% of what he and his party wanted.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world tends to pay attention to these kind of events, and thanks to the political self-serving shenanigans of the Republican party, China (one of our biggest investors) issued a stinging rebuke calling the behavior of the Republicans, “dangerously irresponsible.”
Read the rest of this entry »

OH YEEHAW THA FORF OF JULY, time for the awful racist slobs of Lexington, Kentucky to put on their best “warding off the coloreds and the Muslins” finery in honor of Jesus, Hitler and Thomas Jefferson. Do you like seeing the hate-bomb that is puking all over the American flag, on this man’s t-shirt? Does it capture your patriotic spirit? He will sell you another, to wear to the parade! This is how serious the birth control situation is in Kentucky, because broken condoms result in tragedies like this man, selling apparel to people who want to honor America’s founding dressed like hobo Klansmen. Were there even other tragic people interested in buying from him, or was his booth FOR SOME UNIMAGINABLE REASON labeled “Tea Party Fox News” on the front? SEE THE ANSWER after the jump:

Yes, the brown “INFIDEL” t-shirts read, “Everything I Need to Know About Islam I Learned on 9/11,” which is why they are calling themselves “infidels,” for irony.

So anyway the moral of the story is we are sorry for whoever lives in Lexington, Kentucky. [Thanks to Wonkette Operative "HolyCow!!"]

Today, we have a special treat…if you count water boarding as a treat. I will be watching Glenn Beck’s final show, the first I’ve seen from start to finish.

Minute 1: Beck is outside the New York City studio his show is filmed at. Okay, I can do this. I’ve got a Snapple and an entire bag of Baked Cheetos to get me through this.

Minute 3: A montage of people saying how great Glenn Beck is…all of them are white.

Minute 5: Beck shows a blackboard with “All the things we’ve learned over the years,” on that board are “obscure” names like Andrew Jackson, Andrew Hamilton, and Ben Franklin. So far the only thing I’ve learned is that Beck has only been on the air for TWO and a HALF years instead of the much longer time period it felt like.

Minute 10: I’ve drunk the Snapple dry and moved on to Beer. The bag of Cheetos has been licked clean and thrown into the corner of the room. Time is crawling. I think I can literally hear the grass growing outside. Two snails fucking would move faster than this hour of programming.

Minute 11: Beck references–what else–Hitler. He quotes Hitler as saying “Communism and Christianity are the same thing.” So if they’re the same, and Beck hates Communism does that make him unChristian? Or in league with HITLER?!!! To the blackboards conspiracy nuts!
Read the rest of this entry »

WASHINGTON – Amid diminishing media interest, Sarah Palin has quit her high-profile bus tour halfway through and returned to Alaska with her family, according to RealClearPolitics.

The move puts a damper on widespread speculations that Palin’s “One Nation” bus tour, which launched on Memorial Day, was a precursor to a potential White House bid for 2012. Palin never made it to her scheduled stops in the key primary states of Iowa and New Hampshire.

RealClearPolitics, which originally broke the story about the bus tour, reported Wednesday on Palin’s “extended hiatus.” The remaining legs of her trip, according to Scott Conroy, are “in limbo” as “Palin and her family have reverted to the friendly confines of summertime Alaska.”

The “One Nation” tour launched with intense media pursuit, as reporters initially followed Palin and her family on the road, diligently trying to decipher the former half-term Alaska governor and ex-GOP vice presidential nominee’s 2012 intentions. But after being ignored and mislead and denied interviews or access, reporters’ interest fizzled.

Palin has been remarkably coy about her plans for 2012, declining to rule out a presidential run but refusing to come any closer than saying she has “fire in the belly.”

by Dave Rainsberger via

We the people of the United Tea Party and GOP States of America, in order to control a more Christian union, establish Southern Justice, ensure Domestic Sovereignty, Provide for the World’s Defense, Promote the Elitist’s Welfare, and Secure God’s Blessings of Liberty for only Ourselves and our Posterity, do Ordain and Establish this Constitution for the United Tea Party and GOP States of America.

… actual text of constitution is the same since we don’t really understand it …

The Bill of the Right:

1st Amendment: Thou shalt not tread on me (aka Freedom to Force Religion Down Atheists Throats)

2nd Amendment: We can shoot anything without thumbs (aka Know the Nuge)

3rd Amendemnt: Ooh Rah Ooh Rah Fear US Guns Boom Boom Run Away (aka A Bomb Only Cost Us A Quarter)

4th Amendment – Stay off my land, don’t you see my gun? (aka That is Not Kiddie Porn on My PC)

5th Amendment – I never said that, it was my twin, oh no you didn’t! (aka Oh It’s On Tape, My Bad)
Read the rest of this entry »